Hi Reader,

Here is something I learned the hard way, and then could not unsee.

When something happens to your child and you say "tell me what happened," you are asking for a skill they may not have yet. Narration is hard. It needs words, and sequence, and enough calm to put them in order. A young child, or any child in a big moment, often does not have all three at once. So they freeze. Or they reach for the wrong words. Or they go quiet, and we read the silence as hiding something, when really they just could not find the door.

Try this instead. "Can you show me?"

Show me where. Show me how. Point to it. Walk me over and show me. "Show me" does not ask them to build a story out of nothing. It asks them to hand you a truth in a form they already have. And children will show you things they could never tell you.

I watched this happen for myself on a weekend in New Orleans. We packed the whole city into two days, and the moment I keep coming back to did not happen at a jazz club or over a plate of beignets. It happened at the aquarium. I asked my child a question and got nothing back. Then I changed one word, and the whole thing opened up. I wrote it all down, because I do not think I will ever lead with "tell me" again.

Here is why this reaches past your own kitchen table. Your child spends the day in a building full of adults who will ask them to tell. They have an entire day of repeating things back but not as much practice formulating their own thoughts. A child who cannot yet narrate an event for themselves cannot defend themselves against an narrative that is already taking shape. Learning to show you at home is part of how they stay safe out there. And while they are still learning, you are the one who holds the line for them.

It is developmentally inappropriate for children to be questioned by adults as a part of an "investigation" without the guidance, support, and protection of a parent.

I put the full aquarium story on the blog. And at the end of it, I am giving you the exact email I send to keep my child from being questioned at school without me, the words that protect him while he is still learning to narrate events for himself. Both are waiting for you here:

This week practice "Show AND Tell" with your kids. Help them develop this important skill. And while they are still learning, offer them the protection that every child deserves.